Our Purpose
“Honey, you will know when you need to know.
If something is supposed to be different than it is, then it would be.”
—Jan Sanders
What if our purpose is within the evolution of everything we attempt and master, or attempt and fail? What if our purpose is, in part, those things we started and never finished? We take chances to explore certain things we do not resonate with once begun. This is not failure, this is refining that which we feel alignment with.
As a child, for as long as I could remember I knew that my purpose was to be a wife and mother. It was my greatest dream and wish. I believe this was formed by my own mother who devoted herself to creating the healthy and loving home she did not grow-up with. As parents we wish to control the destiny of our children, but at the end of the day, it is their own inner calling that will determine their path. My babies came easily to me, and while being a mother can stretch you beyond whatever capacity you thought you had, there has never been any doubt it was a big part of my life purpose.
My perfect path has included mountains, ravines and several visits to the dark side of my soul. What I know now, and I did not know then, was growth and expansion were made possible by each of these chapters. Life becomes refined to match more perfectly who we know ourselves to be at various times. Being a mother was and is absolutely a vital and rich piece of my life’s purpose.
Our purpose is not singular. Our purpose is a beautifully woven fabric of the many versions of our ever-expanding selves. Once my children were here it was disconcerting to have a vague feeling that there was more to me, but what? I had never entertained any view of me beyond being a wife and mother. It was confusing to feel once my purpose was fulfilled there was something new tugging and pulling me forward.
Many will recognize this feeling, it is far more common than we are told. The calling of our soul’s desire may feel like discomfort and dissatisfaction with life as we know it. Our desire to settle-down and just live will be disrupted by the call. The “happily ever after” fantasy is just that, a fantasy. This was a difficult pill for me to swallow! I was positive marriage and family were my happily ever after, however this was not to be.
My precious mother would say, “I wonder what I am going to be when I grow-up?” She said this well into her 80’s. It was only in her 86th and final year here she was able to see an overview of her purpose and her value to her family and the world. I feel this was one of the keys that allowed her to make peace with her life here and feel a sense of completion so she could make her journey home.
Your purpose is divine and unique. Family and friends may not understand or approve when you step outside the framework of their understanding of you. Many may feel betrayed by your growth. When I was called to begin spiritual work, my then-husband called it voodoo and was condemning of it and me. Those who had known me as a consummate codependent people pleaser felt abandoned as I worked to upgrade my terms of engagement. Defining my ever-evolving purpose had to include this very challenging transformation.
It turns out finding my voice was a vital part of my purpose! Without clear communication within myself, my purpose was only defined by other opinions of how I should show up. I have been told I trained men in my life to become dependent on me because I did everything for them. Never my intention, but my behavior could very easily have been construed in that way. It fit my original purpose of being a good wife and mother. As I recognized my purpose shifting, it was imperative my behavior shifted to allow for my growth.
My mom was quite brilliant and wise, yet it took her 86 years to see her purpose was beautiful, valuable, and unique, and not to be defined by anyone else.
My wish for you, loosen up the ties that say you have just one purpose in life. By allowing space for the discomfort of not knowing, our faith grows. When I would express my unhappiness over being lost in life, mom would say,
“Honey, you will know when you need to know. If something is supposed to be different than it is, then it would be.”
Her words ring through my heart frequently. When the urge to push myself through where I am arises, I remember I will know when I need to know, and this my friends, is what faith is. Surrendering the need to always know is allowing for life to unfold with grace…and yes, it may take practice.
I hope it offers you a twinkle of knowing that you are on your perfect path. Lots of love from me to you.